As many times before I'm organizing those rare meetings, look forward to them in a way and then come home crestfallen.
When is the moment to accept that a friendship doesn't deserve it's label anymore?
I can write this openly as it is very unlikely the referred to people would ever read this. They know I have a blog, should know at least as I'm not keeping it secret, but I'm certain they never ever read one page of it. And this pretty much sums up my problem.
I'm not sure they care anymore.
4 hours we physically sat together at the same table talking but emotionally we were far away.
Our lives have developed in very different ways which is not an uncommon thing to happen.
Once we went to the same school, shared some subjects, some interest, went out together talking about the same people and issues and basically cared about similar things.
Then we studied and even then it went on well even though our subjects and approaches to student life were differing. We were friends after all.
Time went on and so did our lives.
13 years after leaving school they have "proper" grown-up jobs earning serious money, they are single, always torn between suffering from burnout and the next quick spa trip.
And there is me, happily married, still studying with no noteworthy career ambition, with little money but loads of freedom, being all in all content.
You would say this should not stand in our ways, that we could easily cross that bridge if we would only try.
I have other friends were we don't even share the same background and still are close and instantly connect when we meet again.
It is not me wallowing in self-pity and I'm sure me too sometimes lacks some genuine interest in what is going on at their jobs, but: I haven't once been asked how I am and what I have been up to in the last weeks.
They don't know anything about me anymore and I'm not sure how much I wanna know about their lives in future...I'm just not good at drawing a line under nearly 20 years.
PS: A similar but different blog post that I just read yesterday and is worth checking out too
Es ist wirklich schwer, solch alte Freundschaften neu einzuordnen. Und sich manchmal eingestehen zu müssen, dass kein Platz mehr für sie da ist. Oder kein Platz für einen selbst bei den Anderen...
ReplyDeleteweil das mein ganzes leben schon so geht, denke ich, dass man manche menschen (leider) einfach gehen lassen muss... besonders wenn sie mehr energie kosten, als sie sollten... wenn man sich schon nicht mehr freut... mittlerweile finde ich das nicht mehr sonderlich leicht, aber leider schleichen sich manche menschen einfach davon o.O
ReplyDeleteI hear you!!!! someone taught me this just last year - people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. seasonal friends are the hardest to deal with... in my opinion. let them go. that frees up space for someone more deserving of your time and attention xoxo
ReplyDelete